[Wanna Lose] My Religion

Religion -- it has brought me countless restrictions and limitations.

I am an inborn Oneness Pentecostal member lass. My grandfather is a church pastor in our organization. Since I was born, [to count my childhood years]  I've stayed longer with my grandies than of my parents. My family chose to settle in the city because of the unavailability of work in the barrio. They had me left to my grandparents until the age of five. If I am in the sentiment of missing their presence, I'll need to cross the seas for four hours, then go back to the islands again.

I've had my elementary years in the barrio. I grew up in my mother's parents' house. That house is part parsonage and part a church. Everyday, I have to wake up early to sweep the floor, apply wax and then scrub it. Then clean the front yard ('cause the back of the house is already a part of the shore so I need not sweep it clean 'cause the ebb and tide of the water do me a favor of cleaning it), water the orchids, bougainvilleas, and santans. After that, I'll go bring the water containers and walk my way for a hundred meters away from our house to the well to fetch water. That's how my barrio life went everyday on weekdays.

On weekends, I'll gather all our used garments in a sack and walk two kilometers [with the sack on my full of laundry carried on my head] to our farm where I will do the laundry. There, the water flows abundantly and I need no clothes hangers or lines 'cause the grasses and rocks are everywhere. After the laundry, I enjoy myself bathing under the bright sun on the brook.

I don't bring shampoos then. I was 12 when my hair was on my waistline. It's wavy and black. To shampoo my hair, I would wash it with "samuyao" (citrus hystrix) [which is now used in Manzanilla-making] and coco milk. Grandma said, after drying my hair, I should not stay long under the sun 'cause it might as well bring me nits and lice.

Because of my religion [and of my grandfather as well], I didn't able to have very close friends. Most often than not, I stay home and seldom mingle with people even to my relatives. That's why my older relatives would say, I'm only part of the clan who never goes out with them.

My reason for not going out and rather stay shut at home is, they would pester me questions on why do I have a long hair, why am I not cutting or trimming it, when will I start wearing pants and forget about my skirts and so on. Endless questions which I avoid seemingly.

Because of my religious beliefs, I haven't able to build close ties with my classmates and cousins. I have realized it just recently that I'm becoming indifferent to them. Little did I know that to survive in this world, I need to have a company: a group of people who can be with me though not for all times. It's all because of my hair and my skirts.

During social affairs, I am sometimes requested to attend to host it or just asked by friends to join them in their soiree. And most often, I decline their offers and requests. It falls again to my religious beliefs. Dances are not allowed. It also goes with others: no wearing of jewelries, makeups, backless and sleeveless dress, should not wear pants, should not pluck my eye brows.

That's for the physical appearance. On the other hand, this religion also restricted me from eating the favorite-of-most-of-the-Filipino-people: "dinuguan". But that's okay 'cause I don't like it too, even at the sight of it.

Sometimes, I thought of violating all those above mentioned restrictions. But my conscience bit me each time an idea of in plug in my mind.

So far, I haven't have much problem with it. Maybe after I'll graduate, the "restrictions" problems will arrive. I just have to enjoy today while I still don't have tricky troubles with it.

What's sumptuous and tasty; what's conventional and comfortable: is strictly prohibited.