Friday, November 4, 2011

I wanna practice my British accent on you. Try me. :)

Pun-ny Names

Born during the night = Andy Lim

Born blind = Kenneth Sy

Born being swindled = Lino Co

Born while cooking = Nilo Toh

Born as 10th child = Sam Po

Born while being courted = Lily Gaw

Born fat = Bob Uy

Born little = Kathy Ting

Born different = Eva Yan

Born with porridge = Lino Gaw

Born looking for someone = Allen Sia

Born while counterfeiting = Faye King

Born during Sunday = Lyn Go

Born with malice = Mali Sia

Born angry with someone = Ally Tan

Born with picture = Lara Huan

Born with sweets = Ken Dy

Born undefined = Sam Ting

Born while taking a bath = Lily Go

Born not to take a bath = Dinah Lily Go

Born while buying = Bill Li

Born secretly = Tina Go

Born to pass flatus = Otto Tin

Born ugly = Kaw Yan

Born Normal = Nath Ting Wong

Born Abnormal = Sam Ting Wong

May reklamo ka? = Nath Ting


*This is a re-post.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

I was pissed off actually with her message. Actually.

On being a Pentecostal all these years

1) The amount of money you spend on hairspray exceeds your water and electricity bills.

2) Your Pastor announces midweek services EVERY Sunday night.

3) You (or the ladies you know) can swim in a denim skirt and still have fun.

4) It takes longer to TAKE prayer requests than it does to pray for them.

5) Your brother or sister in the Lord hugs you right in the middle of a shopping center or park.

6) The musicians at your church can tear it up, but none of them can read sheet music.

7) You have 50 pairs of church shoes.

8 ) You're adept at stopping runs in stockings with just about anything.

9) You're considered an old maid if you're not married by age 25.

10) You consider Bible college "higher education."

11) Running the aisles and jumping up and down is your exercise.

12) A birthday party is a night on the town.

13) You could be an Olympic volleyball player with all the practice from church functions.

14) Your white choir moves like Kirk Franklin's group.

15) The pastor says, "With this thought, I close," more than three times each service.

16) You have adequate respect for the power of flying hairpins.

17) Your feet have been stomped on at least 3 times during a service.

18 ) A run in your last pair of stockings is a national disaster.

19) You judge a church service by swollen eyes, rumpled clothes, and disheveled hair.

20) Your kids know how to eat any crunchy thing quietly.

21) When shopping for shirts, you always run it through the "Praise The Lord" test.

22) Sunday and Wednesday mean no cooking or dishes.

23) You can maneuver into a vehicle without messing up your hairdo.

24) Celebrating your 21st birthday doesn't mean much.

25) The employees at the restaurant near church knows you by name.

26) You can always find hairpins on the floor after a good service.

27) You can pronounce, "Habakkuk."

28 ) Mondays and Thursday's are the hardest days to wake up in the morning.

29) Your day of rest includes 2 church services, choir practice, and a nap.

30) The kids you know think shot glasses are for playing communion.

31) Growing up you baptized your cousins and siblings several times in the swimming pool.


*Had done all these in almost all my life. I'm grateful I remain steadfast to my faith.

I started my story on the ending part. I've had it outlined for over 4months. Now, the story's complete. I've found the best peg to start and spark the tale.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Alang sa mga Klasmeyt nga English-aksinted

Sige, kataw-i lang ko ninyo
Samtang akong gishyir
nga peborit pod nako
ang espagiti. Tuod, bitaw, Bisdak ko.

Gahi ko’g ulo (sama sa gibasa nakong mga balak nilang
Adonis Durado, Michael Obenieta ug Vicente Bandillo
bisan pa’g kasabot pod ko sa mga mugna nilang
Charles Simic, Pablo Neruda ug Michael Collier).

Nganu diay’g mahimung “poor’” ang four,
unya “bitch” na ang beach
ug mautang ang death? Atlist, I can stun
on my pit. I can piss all of you with pride in my
hurt. I can spec! Dili sama ninyo,
maamang kon inyong ngalan
tawagon na ni Mam.


*reposted from Kabisdak blogspot page

Ang pagtatagpo ni Dr. Jose Rizal at Inday sa langit

Rizal: Alam mo Inday, ang hindi magmahal sa sariling wika ay mas masahol pa sa malansang isda.

Inday: I appreciate your wonderful wisdom, thank you very much. And I would like you to know that I have already read all your writings. Unfortunately, I was really disappointed because majority of your novels were written in Spanish and Latin. Therefore, you are the ULTIMATE VIOLATOR of your own aphorism.


*Bang! Tagam si Rizal!

LOL.

Finally, a copy of the HUB magazine is already in my hand!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

I don't know how to stand up again. For so many times I've fallen, this time, I'm tired to reach out my hand to the extended arm on me. I just don't know my reason at this point why I have to rise from where I've fallen.

Enrich Your Vocabulary

(Just for the sole purpose of making you smile, if not laugh. Reader's Digest puts it this way: "Laughter is the best medicine!")

* Long time no see
-----matagal ng bulag

* Misunderstanding
-----babaeng nakatayo sa ilalim

* Persuading
-----unang kasal

* Predicate
-----pakawalan mo ang pusa

* Selfish
-----nagbibenta ng isda

* Contemplate
-----Kaunti ang plato

* Defeat
-----ang mga paa

* Statue
-----ikaw ba yan?

* Dilemma
-----madilim ah!

* Aspect
-----pantusok ng yelo

* City
-----numero bago mag-otso

* The value
-----susunod sa Letrang V


~LOL. So, what have you learned?



Merdolyn

Friday, October 21, 2011

There is happiness in contentment, not contentment in happiness.

E(a)rnest lines

I am dying, as I have lived, beyond my means. ~Oscar Wilde

"The very essence of romance is uncertainty."

"Girls never marry the men they flirt with. Girl don't think it right."

"The truth is rarely and never simple. Modern life would be very tedious if it were either, and modern literature a complete impossibility."

"The timing is never perfect."


"A man who desires to get married should know either everything or nothing."

"Ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit; touch it and the bloom is gone."

"Land has ceased to be either a profit or pleasure. It gives one position, and prevents from keeping it up."

"If I am occasionally a little over-dressed, I make it up for it by being always immensely over-educated."

'Relations are simply tedious pack of people, who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live nor the smallest instinct about when to die."

"It is awfully hardwork doing nothing."

"Memory is the diary that we all carry about with us."

"All good books are a snare."

"By persistently remaining single, a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation."

"No married man is ever attractive except to his wife."

"It is always painful to part from people whom one has known for a very brief space of time. The absence of old friends one can endure with equanimity. But even a momentary separation from anyone to whom one has just been introduce is almost unbearable."

"Men are so cowardly, aren't they?"

"Hesitation of any kind is a sign of mental decay in the young, physical weakness in the old."

"What is a selfish person? A selfish person is surely one who seeks to keep his joys and sorrows to himself."

"The heart has its wisdom as well as the head."

Sa Maling Akala

Maling Akala
(Aaron Paul del Rosario)
Sung by: Chino Romero
Alpha Records Music Corporation

Akala ko ay di kita iniibig
Akala ko ay di kita kailangan
Akala ko ay kaya kong umibig sa iba
Hindi pala ako'y nagpadala
Sa maling akala
Akala ko ay kaya ko
Na ikaw ay aking iwanan
Sinabi sa sarili ko
Na madali kitang malimutan
Sinaktanko ang puso mo
Tiniis pati pagluha mo
Bahala na ang maykapal
Sa ating pagmamahalan

Araw gabi ngayon
Ako ay nagdurusa
Lumuluha t'wing maiisip kita
Akala ko ay di kita iniibig
Akala ko ay di kita kailangan
Akala ko ay kaya kong umibig sa iba
Hindi pala ako'y nagpadala
Sa maling akala
Sana'y mapatawad mo
Ang pusong nagkasala sa'yo
Ngayon ay alam ko na
Ikaw ang siyang sinisinta

Araw gabi ngayon
Ako ay nagdurusa
Lumuluha t'wing maiisip kita
Akala ko ay di kita iniibig
Akala ko ay di kita kailangan
Akala ko ay kaya kong umibig sa iba
Hindi pala ako'y nagpadala
Sa maling akala
Akala ko ay di kita iniibig
Akala ko ay di kita kailangan
Akala ko ay kaya kong umibig sa iba
Hindi pala ako'y nagpadala
Sa maling akala
Hindi pala
Ako'y nagpadala sa maling akala


Kumanta ako kahit paos ng 'I Can Wait Forever'. Sabi ng nakarinig sa labas: "Babae ba ang boses na yun pare o bakla na wala sa tono o totoong lalake?" Huhuh. Pangit kayo! Babae po ako!

Facebook and the Extent of its Effects to Personality

The availability of computers makes it possible for anyone an easy access to other people from among the farthest places. Social Networking Sites such as Facebook bridges the gap that hinders them to communicate. As the person grows, long term exposure to these sites would alter their being a person. Thus, personality development could be influenced.

     The development of a person could be affected by several factors such as environment and heredity. Environmental factors can be categorized into physical and social environment. The people that a person would be interacting with will play a big role in molding his personality since it will determine the good and the bad in him (Tumblod, 2010). The greatest motivating factor for students to use technology is to connect to others and to socialize. Their irresistible need to connect with their peers, coupled with the development of 24/7 accessible technologies can make the use of sites like Facebook (Fodeman and Monroe, 2009).
     Many students are posting mean and hurtful things because they can. They are increasingly living their social lives in the world without caring, loving adults watching out for them, without expectations for their behavior, and without boundaries. Fodeman and Monroe (2009) further cited that harassing language is normalized, the sexualization of girls/women is common-places, and the lack of supervision creates unguarded habits.A friend has a new meaning for our students nowadays and the change puts them at risks in distinct ways. “Friending” is a verb and for many of our students, some of their friends are complete strangers (Fodeman and Monroe, 2009). Furthermore, Facebook is not an age appropriate to develop a mentally healthy place for younger students to hangout. It is not working to protect children and the laws are terribly inadequate to safeguard children online.Profiles in Facebook were created under the person’s real identity. This means that anyone who knows a person’s full name can find their Facebook page with relative ease. Different walks of life assumed that almost everyone has an account and has led them to search and find the profile of specific people.
     A person should also take into consideration that not everyone on your list of friends might be who they are, thus, making the persons account susceptible to hackers who would take the appearance of a friend.
     Szalavitz (2011) said that people consistently underestimate how often other people have negative emotions, while estimating how often they have positive ones (Reader’s Digest, 2010). Frozen smiles shouldn’t be taken as the sum of your friend’s life experiences. She concluded that your entire effort at “image management” probably worsen the feelings of isolations and distress in your friends, by adding to their impression that yours and others lives are happier and more successful than theirs.
     Personal contacts make friendship stronger and endure the different problems faced. But research showed that children and teens are increasingly using sites, including Facebook, to avoid difficult face-to-face conversations. Also, children are increasingly turning for making friendships and building relationships online (Fodeman and Monroe, 2009). This avoidance will have increasing ramifications on their communication skills throughout life. Moreover, children can best acquire social communication skills in real life.
 

Begging is not a part of my character. My pride is enormously towering. hah!

Monday, October 17, 2011

I arrived home on Monday night. Found all my diaries and journals spread on my bed with a trace of being read by somebody's eyes. My bet was my mother, no other. That feeling that you wanted to shout fits to her. Huh! Ayun! Before I could do it, she's already miserable. Kasi, nambabasa ng hindi dapat basahin. What she read were all anguish and related things about her. Huh! Natauhan siguro siya dahil di ako pinansin kinaumagahan.

Oh yes, I'm a great pretender...

Miss Purple got a good grade

When I came to school by Monday late afternoon, I went to the Engineering office to get my grades there. Silently, I stepped inside the cold "aquarium" and seek for that box containing the grades of our section.

Gladly, I passed. Not the ordinary passing grade. As far as I have known, Stylistics being next to Linguistics in difficulty, to get a B in the subject is the usual show. However, if you'll get more than of it, you are exceptionally sipsip or the other, the simply studious and genius.

I don't care, though, that I only got the second highest. It's enough news to me that I got the second. Much as enough as knowing that the one who got the highest is silently furious over the grade I obtained.

Whatever.

The fact remained that, that grade shall be forever found in my TOR. Wearing purple on Mondays must be a darn lucky color.

:-)

Friday, October 14, 2011

Their brows isn't like mine

Maybe I should try trimming my brows, too. hahaha. U.S. troops are trending this "stuff", so I might as well encourage the rebellious side of my self to make an attempt of "plucking" my brows. haha.

U.S. Troops in Afghanistan trend it this way.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

I miss my DSPC Days back in high school. :-(

Maybe my love will come back someday. Siya lang nakakaalam.

I wish to receive a Christmas card. I long to get one. Would you care?

The Ashes Effect

Rating:
Category:Other
I haven’t had the foggiest idea that he will become one of my favorite authors.

Frank McCourt wrote the Pulitzer Prize winning Angela’s Ashes which was published on 1997 at the age of 66. When I read it, [that was 2010 already and was by that time dead], I was amazed and moved by his novel. Reason why I liked his writings was because they were memoirs from his past which I can share mine as almost alike to that of his. His father, his mother, his siblings (though none of my siblings have died yet), his family, his past – all those were almost related to mine.

When I’m rereading his novels, I still felt like I’m reading it for the first time. The tearjerking lines that drove me from silent sobs to soft whimpers had never left me a lame instead able and hopeful heart.

Once I’m reading, I put myself at the scene as if I am literally present when the events happened that’s why I could feel the emotions in each situation he presented. McCourt was able to portray a life far different from that of the upper class men. He showed by his words how ordinary people strove hard to bring themselves on the surface and hold on in spite of the squalid, poverty-wracked life. The childhood he had was according to him, a miserable childhood. To him, happy childhood is hardly worth your while.

I have learned so much from him – on the importance of family ties, hard work, perseverance, self-confidence and most of all, the attitude of being hopeful.

Reminiscing the past, he said, “People everywhere brag and whimper about the woes of their early years, but nothing can compare with the Irish version: the poverty; the shiftless loquacious father; the pious defeated mother moaning by the fire; pompous priests; bullying school masters; the English and the terrible things they did to us for eight hundred long years.” Thank God, he survived it until his golden 78 years.

I have suffered my own life’s retribution because of some filthy actions and I’m thankful it wasn’t as worse as his. But he will stay as a person who inspired me most next to the God I served.

He says, “You have to study and learn so that you can make up your own mind about history and everything else but you can’t make up an empty mind. Stock your mind, stock your mind. You might be poor, your shoes might be broken, but your mind is a palace.”

Through him, I’m seeing the blessing behind poverty. His works were Angela’s Ashes followed by ‘Tis [which was the last chapter’s word of the former] and last one was The Teacher Man which chronicles his life as a teacher in the New York, USA.


Bad Teacher

Rating:★★
Category:Movies
Genre: Education
If you want to be a good teacher, don’t take drugs.
The movie has allowed me to foresee the events inside the classroom if the teacher is under the influence or is taking drugs.
Elizabeth (Cameroon Diaz) is a foul-mouthed, ruthless, and inappropriate teacher. Why not! Because instead of teaching her students good manners and valuable lessons, she taught them nothing but pervertible instructions and film marathons instead of discussions. She had her shots of that-liquid-thing-in-the-bottle-called-drugs, got high and always anticipated the coming of the day’s end to have her way out of the school.
There are no bad students, just bad teachers. Henry Adams also puts that teachers affect eternity; no one can tell when his/her influence stops. If a teacher will teach his/her students which are not supposed to be taught but rather learn it in their own way, the child will remember it. Even, doing nothing is also jeopardizing learning and experience. Whatever happens to a student’s life, regardless of the family, it’s always a teacher factor.
Teachers should live on the teaching mantra “Live to teach” not on the other “Teach to live.” Money will come in its own way without us noticing it. Teaching and money are two different ideas. Money will change but teaching CAN change. There is no denying that we employed ourselves to a job because we want to earn, but in teaching, it’s perpetually opposite. Teachers who teach to earn do not aim to affect lives and make teaching noble. Instead, they make it stinky and slightly off kilter. Elizabeth has just do this, not until she realized what she did and that’s why she’s promoted to a higher rank – Guidance Counselor.
Back to teaching and earning, no teacher has ever made it to history as first millionaire or even made it to a first class status in the society. Teachers are famous of “London” – Loan Dito, Loan Doon. That is why, teachers suffer much on money problems rather than school stuffs. On the case of Elizabeth as a teacher, she had her own way of dealing money matters. Though she worked hard for it but it seemed she placed herself in peril by stealing stuffs, lying, sabotaging and couples of blackmailing just to get what she wanted – a bust operation.
There is nothing bad with working hard, but in teaching, it’s not about mere working hard, instead putting a heart in each lesson, dedicating your whole being in order your learners will get something from you that they could live on it. The realities in teaching do not just settle on the four corners of the classroom and of the inputs you have placed on each learner’s head, rather, it is on what you have taught to them on how are they going to face life’s cruelties, prepare them from the inevitable demands of the world and arm them with the weapons of knowledge they gleaned from your teaching.
Though we can also learn something from bad teachers, we will still land on the negative side of teaching.
Teachers are supposed to be good vibes. When all else are negative, whatever the circumstances may be, a teacher shall maintain optimism and shall marry both two sets of pairs: life and lessons, and students and learning.
A teacher should leave no stones unturned; rather, move them with glee and compassion. When Elizabeth had realized [at the ending part of the story] what it takes to live with purpose and teach with passion, I bet she rightfully deserved the school’s counselor’s office. That goes without saying she has morphed from a bad teacher to an at-least-no-so-good-yet-no-so-bad guidance counselor.
In teaching, drugs are still needed – the patience, passion and prudence drugs – necessary for effecting and valuable teaching and learning process.

MindSet

http://merdolines.livejournal.com/
My Livejournal page. I mumble whatever I like to mutter.

The HUB | Facebook

http://www.facebook.com/thehubssct
Official Facebook Page of the Official Student Publication of Surigao State College of Technology Surigao City--The HUB

Monday, October 10, 2011

Sige, Akin Ka Na Lang. Bahala Na ang Puso'y Magdusa. Bahala Na.

[Wanna Lose] My Religion

Religion -- it has brought me countless restrictions and limitations.

I am an inborn Oneness Pentecostal member lass. My grandfather is a church pastor in our organization. Since I was born, [to count my childhood years]  I've stayed longer with my grandies than of my parents. My family chose to settle in the city because of the unavailability of work in the barrio. They had me left to my grandparents until the age of five. If I am in the sentiment of missing their presence, I'll need to cross the seas for four hours, then go back to the islands again.

I've had my elementary years in the barrio. I grew up in my mother's parents' house. That house is part parsonage and part a church. Everyday, I have to wake up early to sweep the floor, apply wax and then scrub it. Then clean the front yard ('cause the back of the house is already a part of the shore so I need not sweep it clean 'cause the ebb and tide of the water do me a favor of cleaning it), water the orchids, bougainvilleas, and santans. After that, I'll go bring the water containers and walk my way for a hundred meters away from our house to the well to fetch water. That's how my barrio life went everyday on weekdays.

On weekends, I'll gather all our used garments in a sack and walk two kilometers [with the sack on my full of laundry carried on my head] to our farm where I will do the laundry. There, the water flows abundantly and I need no clothes hangers or lines 'cause the grasses and rocks are everywhere. After the laundry, I enjoy myself bathing under the bright sun on the brook.

I don't bring shampoos then. I was 12 when my hair was on my waistline. It's wavy and black. To shampoo my hair, I would wash it with "samuyao" (citrus hystrix) [which is now used in Manzanilla-making] and coco milk. Grandma said, after drying my hair, I should not stay long under the sun 'cause it might as well bring me nits and lice.

Because of my religion [and of my grandfather as well], I didn't able to have very close friends. Most often than not, I stay home and seldom mingle with people even to my relatives. That's why my older relatives would say, I'm only part of the clan who never goes out with them.

My reason for not going out and rather stay shut at home is, they would pester me questions on why do I have a long hair, why am I not cutting or trimming it, when will I start wearing pants and forget about my skirts and so on. Endless questions which I avoid seemingly.

Because of my religious beliefs, I haven't able to build close ties with my classmates and cousins. I have realized it just recently that I'm becoming indifferent to them. Little did I know that to survive in this world, I need to have a company: a group of people who can be with me though not for all times. It's all because of my hair and my skirts.

During social affairs, I am sometimes requested to attend to host it or just asked by friends to join them in their soiree. And most often, I decline their offers and requests. It falls again to my religious beliefs. Dances are not allowed. It also goes with others: no wearing of jewelries, makeups, backless and sleeveless dress, should not wear pants, should not pluck my eye brows.

That's for the physical appearance. On the other hand, this religion also restricted me from eating the favorite-of-most-of-the-Filipino-people: "dinuguan". But that's okay 'cause I don't like it too, even at the sight of it.

Sometimes, I thought of violating all those above mentioned restrictions. But my conscience bit me each time an idea of in plug in my mind.

So far, I haven't have much problem with it. Maybe after I'll graduate, the "restrictions" problems will arrive. I just have to enjoy today while I still don't have tricky troubles with it.

What's sumptuous and tasty; what's conventional and comfortable: is strictly prohibited.

Reality Check

~ People who criticize a lot are insecure.

~ People who complain a lot seldom make actions.

~ People who insult a lot are commonly ugly.

~ People who flirt a lot lack love and attention.

~ People who gossip a lot never had true friends.

ON THE OTHER HAND,

~ People who are successful are usually those who were once weak and poor.

~ People who achieve a lot got many inspirations.

~ People who stick to one lover experienced true love.


-----
<3

Pa'no manligaw si Bruno Mars

Girl: Bakit mo ko mahal?
Bruno: 'cause you're amazing JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
Girl: Talaga?
Bruno: I think I wan'na  MARRY YOU.
Girl: Sige, gaano mo ko kamahal?
Bruno: I would catch a GRENADE for yah!
(may naghagis sa kanila ng 20 bomba, nasugatan)
Girl: 'kala ko ba sasalo ka ng granada para sa akin?
Bruno: Today I don't feel like doing anything...


:-)

Gugmang Gi-atay

-------------------
 Intro: G-Em-C-D
 -------------------
 G D
kung ikaw nasayod
 G D
paminawon mo
 Em C
kay kon pananglit yam-iran mo
 Em D
mga panumpa og pasalig ko
-------------------
 G
og kon ugaling
 C
kalit kang mobiya
 Em
di’ ko kapugngan
 D
motu ang mga luha
 -------------------
 C D
kay ikaw akong himaya
 G
handumon ko matag karon
 Em
og unya
 C D
ikaw akong langit og yuta
 G
akong pinangga
 Em C--D
…ha…oh la…
-------------------
 Em C
unya mihabol ang kangitngit
 Em C
nga dinuyugan sa ulan
 Em C
og sa kalit lang nahanaw
 Em D
ang bidlisiw sa adlaw
 -------------------
 G D
oh…kahayag sa imong panagway
 Em D
nga naulipon sa gugmang giatay
 G D
inday paminawa kabos kong gugma
 Em D
nga kanimo akong igasa
 -------------------
 C D
dili ko man mahatag ang tanang bahandi
 G Em C
ning kalibotan, apan inday
 D Em
dungga intawon king’ naalaot
 D G Em-C-D-G~
nga naulipon sa gugmang giatay, ohh…
 -------------------

Sunday, October 9, 2011

The Prayer

I'm too religious -- four years ago.

Those were the years that you're just a fading image on the moon.

Every night before hitting the sack, I'll pray to my God,
That someday I'll find the man I'll love for the rest of my life--
That man in my nightmares who came to rescue me
when troubles come;
whose face I have never seen
'cause, Lord, he was just part of my dream.

Now, I'm less spiritually-inclined.

Four hard years had passed
and I still dream of that faceless man.
And all the same, I never cease to pray for him.
That one day while walking on this unpaved earth,
I'll meet him, somewhere on the street.

And man! My God is so true to me.
I met him sometime in my journey and I'm glad.
Words can't fathom the joy in my heart.
He was and he is, the man I truly wish.
But God, the 64-dollar worth question is:
"Would he be mine?"

Back in my old self,
I'm here again: both hands clasp,
eyes closed, sincerely prays
that almost same prayer back to the good old days--
"Lord, thy will be done.
I have prayed for him quite a long time
and now, I have met him along the way.
I came to know him, introduced my self,
stalked him in ways not too obvious,
and texted him whenever I could.
But that wasn't enough [according to my heart].
Can I have my wish granted?
Thank you, Lord. Amen"

-----
Merdolyn
10/10/11



As I look into your face, heavens, I feel I gon'na chuck my fits out! :)

Saturday, October 8, 2011

The Coward

Mulat na ako. Noon pa. Noon pa bago kita nakilala. Noon pa. Di pa ako naging kasamahan ng mga manunulat. Simpleng mag-aaral lang na walang ibang iniisip kundi ang sarili kong mundo na puno ng salita, imahe, kalituhan at mga pagnanasa na sana maging bahagi ako ng lipunan sa kanilang mga pinaglalaban. Ngunit nalaman ko kamakailan lang, komplikado pala ang mga ninais kong gawin sa buhay.

Nasa harapan ko na yun noon. Di ko sinunggaban ang oportunidad na inilalahad sa akin. Bakit? Dahil sa takot. Oo, naiintindihan ko ang nais nila. Nakuha ko ang ibig nilang iparating at kanilang mga pinaglalaban. Pero mas malaki at malawak ang naangking bahagi ng puso ko ni Takot. Sinupil niya ang kakayahan kong lumaban at maging lider. At ang kakayahan ko ring maging matapang na mamamahayag.


Idinagdag pa ang estado ko sa buhay. Ang kahirapan na siyang nagpatindi ng aking mga pag-aalinlangan.

Sa katunayan, pinalaki akong may takot sa Diyos. Sa Diyos na hindi nakikita ngunit nararamdaman. Sa Diyos na hindi mo makikita ngunit tinatanaw ka. At iyon ang dahilan kung bakit di ko kayang sumunod; di ko kayang maging matapang o kaya'y magtatapang-tapangan man lang. Nilamon na ng pagkasindak at kilabot ang puso ko't kaluluwa. Bakit uli? Dahil sa mga balita sa radyo at telebisyon at sa mga imprinta sa mga dyaryo. Pinanghinaan ako ng loob sa mga naririnig ko at nakita -- sa mga aktibista at mga taong may malasakit sa kapwa at bayan na lumalaban, nasasaktan at ang iba ay biglang nawawala at pinatay; na kung saan ang tanging nais lamang ay katarungan, pagkakapantay-pantay, karapatan, kalayaan, katapusan ng bangayan at marami pang iba na nakakapanghilakbot sa puso at diwa para sa taong tulad ko na nasanay  sa katahimikan doon sa kaparangan.

Mahirap pa sa kahirapan ang aking nararamdaman ng ako'y kanyang nilapitan at kinausap. Katulad ko, dati siyang namuhay ng payak hanggang sa tinugo niya ang tawag ng mga inapi at inabuso. Tama rin naman si Kuya sa mga idelohiya niya. May punto rin. At oo, pinsang buo ko siya. Ngunit di ko pa kayang maging tulad niya. Ayaw pa ng apog ko.

Pero, naisip ko rin, kelan kaya ako magkakaroon ng lakas ng loob na tulad ng sa kanya upang kahit man lang ay makatulong ako sa kapwa kong naapi at pinahihirapan. nakita ng mga mata ko ang katotohanan ngunit pilit kong ibinaling ito sa kawalan at nag-astang wala akong nakita at kung meron man, isa lang iyong malagim na bangungungot na mawawala rin kung ako'y gising na. Ngunit napakalagim nito na lagi akong hinahabol. Gusto ko ng magpatianod ngunit kinagat ako ng aking konsensya. Nasaan na daw ang pagiging Kristiyano ko? Handa ba raw ako sa kahihinatnan ng mga desisyon ko? Natulala ako ng ilang sandali at naalala ang nasabi ng aming pastor ng minsa'y kami'y nagkausap: Panindigan mo ang mga gagawin mong desisyon. At kung gagawa ka ng pasya, isipin mo ang mga taong nasa paligid mo na nagmamahal sa yo at umaasa sayo bilang tanging taong mag-aalis sa kanila sa kumunoy na kanilang kinalalagyan. Gusto ko na sanang sumagot no'n ng "Bakit, superhero ba nila ako?" ngunit tinikom ko ang aking bibig.


Ngayon ko rin lang naisip; mahirap magpakatao. Tao ako ngunit kailangani ko pang isipin ang iisipin ang iba, ang kinabukasan nila, ang buhay nila, ang lahat-lahat. Napagtanto ko [dahil babae daw ako] sa pamamagitan ng kanilang mga pag-aalala at pagmamahal. May mali dun, eh. At yun ang nais kung itama. Kaso, mahina ang loob ko. Akala lang nila yun na kaya kung humarap sa mga paghihirap sa lahat ng pagkakataon. Muli, mali sila.

Nahihirapan din ako sa kasalukuyan sa pagtukoy kung ano talaga ang aking ipaglalaban. Ang kababaihan ba o ang kabataan. Ang kalikasan ba o ang mga mamamayan. Gayunpaman, malalaman ko rin yun, sa takdang panahon.

Umaasa na lang ako na sana babalik na ang naglalagalag kong tapang at magkakalakas-loob na akong sundin ang puso ko. Nakakapanira ng adhikain kasi ang utak minsan.

Matagal na akong namulat. Hindi ako tanga; nagmamaang-maangan lang. Sana magkakatibay ng loob na ako at sana, may susuporta kung darating man yun. Hindi pa rin mawawala ang katotohanang babae ao at hindi ako superhero.

Sa pagbabalik ng naglalakbay kong tapang, umaasa ako na tama aking magiging pasya.

-----
Merdolyn
Oct. 08'11

Ang manunulat ay hindi makalat.

A student’s non-materialist value system makes him choose education as a course even if it offers less money, less prestige and fewer possibilities for advancement than another major profession.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Will publish my "about-mining-article" here [which was supposed to be printed on the campus paper but I'm afraid the editors will not accept it] sooner than I think I can. It was written before the tragic NPA raid at Taganito Mining Company happened.

The Black Sheep

BY Italo Calvino

There was a country where they were all thieves.

At night everybody would leave home with skeleton keys and shaded lanterns and go and burgle a neighbour’s house. They’d get back at dawn, loaded, to find their own house had been robbed.

So everybody lived happily together, nobody lost out, since each stole from the other, and that other from another again, and so on and on until you got to a last person who stole from the first.  Trade in the country inevitably involved cheating on the parts both of the buyer and the seller.  The government was a criminal organization that stole from its subjects, and the subjects for their part were only interested in defrauding the government. Thus life went on smoothly, nobody was rich and nobody was poor.

One day, how we don’t know, it so happened that an honest man came to live in the place.  At night, instead of going out with his sack and his lantern, he stayed home to smoke and read novels.

The thieves came, saw the light on and didn’t go in.

This went on for a while: then they were obliged to explain to him that even if he wanted to live without doing anything, it was no reason to stop others from doing things.  Every night he spent at home meant a family would have nothing to eat the following day.

The honest man could hardly object to such reasoning.  He took to going out in the evening and coming back the following morning like they did, but he didn’t steal.  He was honest, there was nothing you could do about it.  He went as far as the bridge and watched the water flow by beneath.  When he got home he found he had been robbed. 

In less than a week the honest man found himself penniless, he had nothing to eat and his house was empty.  But this was hardly a problem, since it was his own fault; no, the problem was that his behaviour upset everything else.  Because he let the others steal everything he had without stealing anything from anybody; so there was always someone who came home at dawn to find their house untouched: the house he should have robbed.  In any event after a while the ones who weren’t being robbed found themselves richer than the others and didn’t want to steal any more.  To make matters worse, the ones who came to steal from the honest man’s house found it was always empty; so they became poor.

Meanwhile, the ones who had become rich got into the honest man’s habit of going to the bridge at night to watch the water flow by beneath.  This increased the confusion because it meant lots of others became rich and lots of others became poor.

Now, the rich people saw that if they went to the bridge every night they’d soon be poor.  And they thought: ‘Let’s pay some of the poor to go and rob for us.’  They made contracts, fixed salaries, percentages: they were still thieves of course, and they still tried to swindle each other.  But, as tends to happen, the rich got richer and the poor got poorer and poorer.

Some of the rich people got so rich that they didn’t need to steal or have others steal for them so as to stay rich.  But if they stopped stealing they would get poor because the poor stole from them.  So they paid the very poorest of the poor to defend their property from the other poor, and that meant setting up a police force and building prisons.

So it was that only a few years after the appearance of the honest man, people no longer spoke of robbing and being robbed, but only of the rich and the poor; but they were still all thieves.

The only honest man had been the one at the beginning, and he died in very short order, of hunger.



[This story is a picture of how the "buwayas" started their lifestyle which until now, they still do and will always be if they'll not realize how the honest man strove to remain honest and died with glory for his name being steadfast to his good virtue--honesty. To "buwayas", this line will never be found in their line of vision: Honesty is the best policy. Adieu!]

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

This is why I hate mining: It ruins my image of Eden and drives away my fantasies.

Outwitted


by Edwin Markham

He drew a circle that shut me out--
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in.



*one of my favorite short yet meaningful poem


Sunday, September 18, 2011

Filipinos, really

Mga pinilosopong statements na narinig ko.

1. 'wag buksan ang pinto at lalabas ang air-con.
     (Bakit may paa na ba ang air-con?)

2. Heto, burger oh! Ayaw mo?
     (Matakaw lang talaga.)

3. I-lock mo ang pinto bago ka lalabas.
     (Pa'no ka lalabas?)

Pinakaastig ever...

- Pabilhan po ng Colgate, yun pong Close-up na red.
     (Ano daw?)



*He who laughs last, thinks slow. :D


Pampagaan ng nabibigatang kalooban.




Mayweather's an idiotic boxer; loses out of control and is lack of correct tactics; not a direction adherent (he might be dyslexic, I guess); and forgets everyone's eyeing his every move. That's what we call dumbness and jerky-headed bloke.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Sa mga magsasakang nagbungkal

~I love to sing this song which I learned when I was in Grade 3 [even up to now] every planting and harvest time in my elementary years back in the barrios. I had it from an old music textbook which I received from my teacher back then. Every time I came to hum in tune to the melody of the song, I am caught entrance of the lyrics and reflect on the gratefulness expressed on the lines. I don't really know the title of the song yet, since the day I learn it, I can still sing it up to this moment with clarity and gaiety.[English Version]

We plant you deep in the rich, brown soil
Grow little seedling, grow
We pray the Lord to bless our toil
Grow little seedling, grow

We call on the sun to shine on the grain
Grow little seedling, grow
We call on the rain to nourish the plain
Grow little seedling, grow

And when the kind sun its work has done
When the rain has nourished the plain
When the rice plants tall
In the ricefield stand
Heads bow with the golden grain


[Tagalog Version]

Ang ating ani'y sagana
Sa tulong ni Bathala
Tayo'y matuwa at magalak
Tayo'y magpasalamat

Pasalamat din tayo ng lubos
Sa bisig na nagpagod
Sa mga magsasakang nagbungkal
Ng tumana't palayan

Pasalamat tayo kay Bathala
Sa tulong Niya't awa
Papurihan Siya magpakailanman
Habang tayo'y nabubuhay


~I offer this song to the Luisita Farmers whom I have never met since time immemorial. I can feel their pains and heartaches because I once worked in a farm and I can see how my grandparents struggle to gain good harvest and did their best to acquire the land and call it their own. I may not have knew the real score between the government and the farmers of that large land, but I just hope, all their toils will not be gone to waste.


*Photo [painting] credit: Sylvia Amorsolo-Lazo



~Merdolyn

Friday, September 2, 2011

I'm saying goodbye

...to my teeny years. By this time, I'll be gaining my relative freedom--the freedom I want since I realized I'm not receiving it.

I dreamed of sharing my 20th year with someone I could call as "mine" together with my family in a candle-lit dinner. But sadly, I happen to have no one but myself.

On my 18th birthday, I've had received my first"mañanita" from my first boyfriend (now long gone with somebody whom he thought he "loved" much) together with my churchmates. Now, there is this siamese event: My birthdays were always paired with me broke. But in that very day, those people aforementioned were the ones who held all the expenses and I thank he Lord for giving me thoughtful friends. I may not able to celebrate that momentous day of a girl-turns-a-woman with a grand revelry (with all the 18 candles and roses, cakes, gifts, and messages from friends), but the fact of them able to dredge up the memory of my natal day is enough.

My best birthday singer--Cristine

Cristine sang the loudest with me "weeping" in joy

With the then The HUB E-I-C Ate Euzette, Aibel, Ramon and Cristine
Last year's celebration was one of the memorable, worth-keeping birthday ever. I've had it celebrated at the campus publication's office. I cried because that was my another "first" birthday with food galore and some drinks. I thank again the circumstances--because our publication adviser wasn't able to cancel the food catering order which was supposed to be the snack of the pub's In-house seminar on journalism. But because of it, I was able to have a food shared to everyone though it was really ordered for the all.

Now, I'm happy with my life--what it is and what it will be. I don't want them to remember my birthday because I post it somewhere in the networking sites or anywhere. More posts about how my birthday in "tweeny" went.

I don't know what lies ahead of me but I'm certain I won't be able to live it well if not of the people around me. They're the ones who molded my life years ago, today, and I hope in the future.

To my country, wait for me: I'm coming to help you. To my family, don't you worry, I keep promises. To my friends, you know I won't change in the name of change and I will stick to my real me when it comes to friendship. Remember, I am real. To myself, welcome to the world!

"Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had, and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated."

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Can't sit down and write. :'(

Carpe Diem!




AUGUST 27, 2011 -- A post-celebration of the Teacher-education Division governor's birthday, achievements of other classmates, passing the midterm exams, and related other celeb concerns of the batch took place at Seafarer's Inn at Sitio Panubigon, Brgy. Sabang, Surigao City.

This day marked my diversion to the things I never do in public: wearing short shorts. sleeveless and backless blouse, and swimming as if the waters by next day will ebb and never come back.

I celebrate the new-found freedom. Religion has prohibit me to do things normal gals do (but I don't put any regret with the denomination I am in).

Turn out this eventful day--I am the photographer of the group, which, I am glad than to be the poser. Haha. Anyways, all is well to several violations I remarkably did this day.


~Merdolyn :)

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Mga Tula ng Lalaking Na-In-Love *part II

Aanhin ko ang popular at mapormang babae
kung nabo-boring ako kung siya ang kasama.

Aanhin ko ang sobrang sweet na babae
kung hindi ko ma-feel ang ginagawa niya.

Aanhin ko ang pagpapa-cute nila
kung wala naman akong balak pansinin sila.

Dalawa lang ang alam kong dahilan
kung bakit 'di ko sila magustuhan:

Mahal na kasi kita at sayo lang ako masaya.

~~~~~
Hihiramin muna kita ngayon sa panaginip,
dahil sa panaginip lang ako may pag-asa sa'yo.

~~~~~
Ako sa'yo'y nag-aabang;
Ako sa'yo'y naghihintay;
katulad ng isang bata na umiibig.

~~~~~

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Mga Tula ng Lalaking Na-In-Love

Mapupulang labi,
Nakakaakit na mga mata;
nakahuhumaling na ngiti,
halakhak na nakakadala.

Oh magandang binibini
Sa bawat sandaling ika'y kasama,
puso'y sumisigaw at maligaya.
Ang maging akin ka ay isang tagumpay na maituturing
pagka't pilit binabaon ng puso ko
sa utak ko ang katagang "Pangarap lang kita."

~~~~~

Sa tuwing nag-iisip, ikaw ang naaalala.
Sa tuwing tulala, ikaw ang nakikita.
Kung titingin ng mga larawan,
mukha mo ang pinagmamasdan.

PUSO! Muling umiral at hindi mapigilan.
Isang binatang umiibig, nangangakong hindi mananakit.
Ikaw ang pangunahing dahilan
kung bakit 'to naramdaman.
Atensyon ko't pagtingin, lahat sa'yo ibabaling.

~~~~~

Ayan!
Ipakukulong kita
sa salang pagdadala ng deadly weapon:
makatunaw na tingin,
pamatay na ngiti at nakakp-psycho na tinig.
Meron Pa!
Trespassing ka!
Bigla-bigla kang pumasok sa puso ko!
Hindi ka na makakalabas
dahil 'yan ang selda
sa kaliwang dibdib ko.

~~~~~
These are my colleague's poems composed in his desperation for love. Or should I say, because he's "intensely" holding someone so dear. I was encouraged to post this because it's unusual these days for men to write poems to someone they have a thing about or keenly observes with.

To Geferd Entendez Gonzales, as promised, here are your poems. I haven't able to make titles: it's up to you on what will be the titles of your "balak" to her. I hope this girl you appreciate so keenly will also recognize the value of these compositions. Godsend to your efforts!

Merdolyn :)

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Love...and more of it

Ngano ang mata muhilak man?
Gibati ko 'di na kapugngan.
Nganung maghoot man akong dughan?
'di na jud masabtan.
ngano ing-ani man ko ka pobre.
Walay kwarta akong mami ug dadi.
pero gibuhat ko na ang tanan.
Tabang Merdolyn!
ako nag antos na kaayo
walay kwarta ipalit
gigutom ko

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Ms. Merdolyn,

Sa pagkatawo pa lang nato ning kalibutang takos
batok ning kalubihan
aduna koy nakita
hayag pa sa sugang dagitab,
Akong ihalad kining akong kalibutanong kainit
ug kalibutanong kaisog
aron sa dihang idul-it mo ang dagitab
sa imung mga mata
ug musidlit ang kainit sa suga
nga giduyugan sa mga malalang mananap
[sama sa plato ug kutsara].
Hinaot nga ang mga hangin
muhatag kanato'g bili
sa pakigdait
Niining atong gubot nga gugma

Kanimo maalagaron,
Manager

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Frustrated Attempts

How many times? I ran out of fingers to count the attempts. Name it: yesterday, today, and maybe forever. I told myself to quit but there is something within that tells me to pursue it.

2006 when I crafted my first long short story. I had it passed as a project to my Values Education teacher to comply the subject. Raw--never been edited, not even reread. Aye, appreciated. I was in seventh heaven. Then on, I keep writing, inspired by the first attempt's appreciation. I was in my sophomore year in high school that time and was already a contributor writer of the school organ since freshman.

I am never assigned to write in prose or poetry or any of literary genre. Most often, in news and editorials. Nevertheless, that made me an opinionated one.

Later on, I was moved to my junior year and finally, made it to the editorial board--as a copyreader-encoder/lay-out worker. From there, I understand, real writers and journalists know what it takes to be a writer/journalist. Not just mere gathering of facts and make opinions, write features and so on, but it is about the dedication to work and heed on. I tried to be contented with the position I held, yet it's not I longed to have. Keep on, I was a dreamer.

In the School-based Campus Journalism Seminar and Workshop for that year, I happen to win three spots: News Writing, Copyreading and Headline Writing, and Editorial Writing. But when DSPC came, I was placed on Editorial Writing and sadly, I lost. Of the many reasons why I lost it, I am certain, it was because I am not a good one. I call a loser's move.

My last year in high school is another heartbreaking year. I was just placed on the third higher position and no paper was published. I don't know where our funds went but I'm certain, our adviser became tired of writing and editing. But before that, I made it again to DSPC 'cause I still won the same three spots. At the press conference, all of us won and two were not able to make it to RSPC and I'm one of the two. I was sad again because I am placed to the same frustrating slot: Editorial Writing.

In college, I've waited for two years before I was able to make it to the school publication. I ain't good in writing but I call it perseverance and determination. Nothing beats the optimism in me. I auditioned  with my classmate and together, we've made it. An most of all, in my first year at the pub, I right away seized an editorial position. I was glad but along it is the great fear I cannot fathom. So, I heed on, chin up, armed with prior knowledge in journalism and the course I took up, I survived.

Now, it's my final year in tertiary (and in the pub) and still, I haven't written a remarkable piece. It's alarming for me because that made me feel inferior and worthless. When I had written my first news article, there was a flop. I spent a week of mourning over the mistake I've made. I blame myself for being careless. But that was the past and all I hope was I hope people reading it will not see the mistake. Blinded, in other words.

The dream I dreamed has came true. I have now the position I wished to have since I was in elementary. (Got it? I have it in my dreams, even in my nightmares.) I cannot help the 'buts', but I have a very deep fear of something I don't understand.

Three months had passed and I still did not able to finish the story I've been writing. My writing muse keep eluding-visiting-eluding me. To add, this emptiness I have within gives more reasons for my muse to ran away.

I am frustrated of what happened: I expect too much from the people around me, but then they fail me. Whatever their reasons, my mind's still working on it. I cannot deal easily with people who less cooperate and is indolent. Yet, I have to work on my own, balancing academics and pub works. The above mentioned must have add up to the sorts of reasons why I cannot finish that shunned story.

I tried to finish everything (the news articles, the lay-out plan, the resos, activity designs, and all related stuffs) before this month ends. But how will I do it when I wasn't making my way, I already surrender? Pray, I'll make it.

13th Charter Day of Surigao State College of Technology - Surigao City




You can shut my mouth for my whole life, but you cannot stop my hand to hold a pen to inscribe words that would live even up to eternity.

Love doesn't always end up with a happy ending. Sometimes, it ends up with one conclusion. But even though it will end up with bitterness and full of heartaches, we always want to feel it again. Love is pathetic, full of sorrows, lots of patience, millions of understanding, overflowing with pain. It makes our life miserable, makes our life sucks. Love ruins our life. But a life without love is not life afterall.

Is love

We should not
start arguing
to see how brave
a heart is

it can't be gauged
by finger span
outstretch
or face-down

immeasurable

close your eyes so you'll see
lose so you'll win

difficult
befuddling

but isn't it
love's
like this

"I can feel your pain
but I will hand it back."

Friday, August 5, 2011

Heartless Eloquent

What should I say?? Well, I am disappointed that's why I'm feeling melodramatic again. What a teacher he has been.. no mercy, just insincerity and numbness were all he have. 

 

 

 

I can't help my tears. I am tired, actually but what keeps me moving is the fact that I have to comply his requirements. Though I am tired but I can't do nothing with it. As he said, "That's part of life. Wait until you become."

 

 

 

What if I won't become like he thought we will because of him? Darn it!

 

 

 

Fine! My grade was the most special of all the grades distributed---INC. Mess, splotch of shame.

 

 

 

Sir, just let me pass the subject. You're intelligent, alright, but it doesn't mean, you have to be mean. Just be as you are and don't struggle to compete with other teachers. It's helpless.

 

 

 

Mercy and love should be the two things you should have and give. Will you?

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Sayang

Ang gipangandoy kong medalya
tapos ang upat ka tuig nga pag-eskwela,
kalit nga nahanaw
tungod lamang sa project nga nabahaw.

Bisan pa'g ako naningkamot
nga ang gidahom makab-ot,
wala bisan sa kadiyot
nabag-o ang imong pag-buot.

Naguol ko naghuna-huna
nga ang gidahom ni mama
nga sa hinapos akong madawat
imong gikawat.

10 Days to Heaven


If given 10 Days to heaven, I would utilize it to do the following:

1. Visit US’ Library of Congress. I want to be taken aback with thousands of books. Added to that, I want to see how the conveyor belts move to transport books from their respective shelves to the hand of the person who’ll read it. The President’s Book of Secrets is not a exemption, of course.

2. See Mount Rushmore at the Black Mountains of South Dakota.Those big stone-faces were incredibly made and I am interested to see the lake behind these great black rock-carved faces.

3. Go to Guangzhou, China and walk on the longest bridge of the world! Doesn’t matter if it’ll take hours and hours before I’ll reach the other end of the bridge. Seeing the picture’s not enough, experiencing the feeling of being there makes it a satisfying experience.

4. I should see the Holy City in Jerusalem. Knowing that the foundation of Christianity started there, to see the relics is a must.

5. Be awed with the magnificence of Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe, Africa.&nbsp;Even in pictures, the water falls’ so grand!

6. Go to Finland, try sauna and dive into the snow/icy water afterwards. Finland is one of the coldest cities in the world and famous for their Finnish sauna bath.

7. See the royal family in Buckingham Palace.I love fairytales though it only happens to real life at seldom circumstances, but seeing the royal family will satisfy my craving for fairytale stories – that there are real princes and princesses, queens and kings, and all that consist that royal family.

8. Personally see His Royal Highness Andrea of Monacco. My god! His face really looked like that of the pretty face prince in a fairytale! I could die right away if ever, but knowing I still have two days, I wish to extend life and hope he will fall on me and marry me (laughs).

9. Go to Palawan, plant trees, and sign the No To Mining petition.I want to do humanitarian act before I’ll die. At least I have done something useful and important to the Filipino people and to Mother Nature.

10. Set off to his place and marry him. Why not?! Don’t ask me anymore. It’s fine for me to die after the marriage. At least, in my last breath, I am with him andhe is with me. *

*But I still wish to live long so I could enjoy my life with him (giggles).